Virgil Winston: Marketing Guru

This just in: 27% of all male college students believe life is a meaningless existential hell, which brings me right to our featured product of the day: the Etch-a-Sketch Key Chain. My regular readers know what I’m talking about. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I believe we need to lighten up a little, to stop thinking about the grittiness of life and start “living on sponge cake and watching the sun bake.” It’s time to lay back in the proverbial sun, turn off our minds and start “wasting away in Margaritaville.” Figuratively speaking, of course.

You know it’s true. Our toys are so adult like—cool, high tech, expensive and functional that we’ve all but forgotten how to be lazy, purposeless and silly. Well, I’m here to end that, to challenge brave men and women everywhere to take action: to perform more random acts of senseless fun. And, for my money, the Etch-A-Sketch keychain is a good first step. It’ll take you straight back to your childhood. You remember that, don’t you? All those wonderful hours spent twisting the knobs of your Etch-A-Sketch, creating elaborate Frank Lloyd Wright creations, only to shake them up and start all over again.

With this perfect promotional gift, you won’t just carry your keys; you’ll carry your childhood. That’s a gift that lasts forever.

Well, I got to go. It’s time for me to start searching for “my lost shaker of salt.” It may be October, but as far as I’m concerned, there’s still “a warm wind to blame.” Until next time, see you in Margaritaville.