Virgil Winston: Marketing Guru

I was reading the dictionary last night and came across some interesting items. I realize that to some, Webster’s Dictionary may not be an obvious choice for bedtime reading but as an insomniac and word junky, it’s one of my favorite distractions. The problem is, I often find myself so caught up in definitions and pronunciations that instead of inducing sleep, the words invigorate me. After all, who could sleep after discovering that the word ‘with’ has twenty-two definitions?

To a word fiend like myself, the dictionary offers a plethora of ways to feed my insatiable addiction. It’s not only the learning of new word and its myriad of meanings but also the newfound ability to insert the new locution into daily conversation. For example, the word buxom, which most of us know means full bosomed, healthily plump and ample of figure, used to mean obedient, yielding, pliant. I find the origin of the word interesting since a buxom woman is certainly capable of rendering most men all of the above. Did I mention that Mrs. Winston is quite…nevermind.

One of my favorite words is diastema, which is a gap between two teeth. This means that Madonna, David Letterman and my six year old share the bond of having a diastema. I just love the way words bring people together. Regrettably my all night dictionary reading habit was tearing Mrs. Winston and I apart. She can’t sleep with the light on and I can’t sleep, period. Fortunately, we found the perfect solution in the form of the Executive Book Light. One push of a button is all that’s needed to shine the LED light directly where needed, so I can learn that decimate has an entirely different meaning than disseminate while Mrs. Winston gets her beauty sleep. This particular book light is compact and lightweight so it travels well. Add your company logo to its silver surface and you’ve created a smart gift for clients and potential customers that acknowledges their late night literacy. The best part is, your logo is the last thing they see before drifting off to sleep which means you’ll be marketing your company in their dreams.

Remember, if you’ve ever experience lethologica, don’t panic; the cure is as close as your dictionary. I’m off to see my bookkeeper* because even gurus have to pay taxes.

*Bookkeeper is the only word in the English language with three back-to-back double letter combinations.