Virgil Winston: Marketing Guru

I suppose because of our extensive marketing background, it is no surprise that my entire family comes from a long line of inventors. Of course, with the exception of the Snorkel Box, none of our inventions have come close to seeing light outside of our basements, attics or, in the case of my Uncle Lou, cell block.

In fact, for the record (and don’t tell Aunt Esther this), even the Snorkel Box was an un-credited work of art…and for the unenlightened…the Snorkel Box is the specialized mailbox with a protruding receiver that allows people to deposit mail without leaving their cars. While a brilliant idea, it was born more out of rage than invention. As the story goes, one horribly rainy day, Aunt Esther couldn’t find a parking spot at the post office, and in lazy desperation…flung her letter out the window and straight into a mailbox that was suddenly opened. It was a beautiful shot…which legend has it, was witnessed by the head of the Post Office’s Research and Development Department. Of course, the rest is history.

But, with no royalty check in hand, Aunt Esther always ends up turning philosophical, saying, “the Snorkel Box belongs to us all now.”

Bottom line, I don’t care who takes credit for our world’s inventions. Esther’s right, they do belong to us all and it’s time we step up and give gratitude for each and every one of these small miracles, starting right now with our featured product of the day, the Lint Removal Brush. Yes, finally, you can wear dark colors with confidence. This indispensable brush will not only keep every suit, jacket and dress lint free, but will keep your name as close as the heart, kneecap and thigh of every American lucky enough to hold this valuable promotional travel item in their hands. This item is a must…not just for airline pilots, flight attendants or traveling addicts, but for individual home use as well.

Go ahead. Make this a better America. Become lint free.

Now, I’m off to take Aunt Esther to get her hair pimped as she calls it. You can bet we’ll have to mail a few letters on the way. Until next time, remember what Esther always says, “Necessity is not the mother of invention, rain is.”