Virgil Winston: Marketing Guru

On Friday night my wife told me she had a surprise for me. As you might imagine, I was more than a little excited and headed for the bedroom when I was stopped cold by the six words every married man dreads, “We are going to Ikea tomorrow.” I don’t know about you but a trip to Ikea on the weekend is a bit like going sailing in the Bermuda triangle, it sounds like fun but you’d best be prepared. Our mission was to find and purchase the perfect cabinet to house my wife’s extensive glass egg collection.

We got up early on Saturday in order to beat the crowds and I was pleasantly surprised to find a parking spot right up front. As I pulled in, a rather large, red-faced woman in an SUV packed with what appeared to be a half a dozen children accosted me. Apparently Ikea designates several prime spaces for “Family” parking and this woman was incensed that my wife and I had taken “her” spot. I tried explaining that the Winston’s were indeed a family and that even though our three kids were at home, it still counts. I was about to add that a brisk walk may even help her lose the extra baby weight but thought better of it when her face went from red to purple and her eyes started to bulge out of her head. I gave her the spot.

Once inside, we grabbed a cart and jumped into the human stream following the blue arrows painted on the floor in search of elusive cabinetry. After about an hour and half I got tired of comparing wood types and glass thickness and wandered off in search of promotional ideas. I ended up in the window covering section, dangerously far from the blue arrow that would eventually lead me out the door to safety but fortunately I was prepared. I had some leftover peanuts from a circus campaign I worked on last year and was able to leave a trail. The manager was not amused by my resourcefulness and threatened to kick me out. Since we hadn’t found the cabinet yet, I could not let that happen and searched for a way out. It was then that one of Grandpa Winston’s lessons came to me. He always said to look for opportunities in every disaster. Leaving without a curio cabinet may not seem like a disaster to you but you don’t have to listen to my wife carry on about her eggs. Needless to say, I was inspired and decided to pitch him my newly formed idea for branded window shades. I can’t get into details but lets just say my passport will soon have a stamp from Sweden.

My wife finally found the perfect cabinet just as I was sealing the deal so our trip turned out to be an all around success. I spent the rest of the weekend assembling the cabinet using a 6-Function Tool Kit Wrench that I picked up in one of the swag seats at the Academy Awards. It’s actually a great little tool that your clients are sure to appreciate. Just remember the Golden Rule and (say it with me) put your name on it!

Well, I’m off to pack for my trip to Sweden; I’ll finally have an opportunity to wear lederhosen. Remember, “Wisdom is a blessing only to those prepared to absorb it so bring a sponge.”