Easter Sale

Virgil Winston: Marketing Guru

I celebrated Easter Sunday by helping Mrs. Winston hold a Spring Cleaning garage sale. We broke with garage sale tradition by starting at noon, so that we could attend Easter services as a family. Plus Mrs. Winston wisely anticipated we would get more foot traffic in the afternoon, as people left church or brunch and headed to egg hunts and family dinners. She also posted several ads, had the kids make colorful signs and place them in strategic locations around our neighborhood and of course, she added an incentive by offering garage salers a free gift—just for stopping by. I was proud my other half for coming up with such a clever promotional idea, until I discovered that the gift she intended to give away was my very first Business Card magnet. I had them made up twenty years and three phone numbers ago when I was promoted to Marketing Manager for the first time, so naturally I was quite attached. My wife is not a sentimental being so she didn’t see the inherent value in having two hundred fifty magnets with my name on them sitting around, “collecting dust,” but I was a little reluctant to part with my collection. She quickly reminded me that she had left the ten boxes of collectible imprinted sippy cups, key chains and paperclip holders alone, so I reluctantly gave my blessing to her giveaway idea. It was a good one after all.

The day was sunny and warm, making it ideal for selling out of doors. I rather enjoyed catching up with neighbors I hadn’t seen in a while and meeting the new families who had recently moved in. Mrs. Keller brought by her famous choco-chip coconut cookies and sweet tea and I even got my Phillips head back from Sam Brown at the end of the cul de sac. We sold a lot of stuff and donated the rest to the Salvation Army so we felt good about doing some good, getting a tax write off and making a little extra cash. My wife won’t tell me the actual amount, so I know it must have been a pretty good haul. I suspect she will soon replace the stuff we got rid of with a few new handbags, designer pillows or French lingerie…a man can dream can’t he?

Well, I’ve got to sign off now in order to prepare for a new seminar I’m giving on “Marketing in a Down Economy”. It’s a grim topic but I have some good jokes planned that are sure to take the edge off. Until next time, ask yourself this, “If you eat the ears off a chocolate bunny, can it hear you chewing?

Pure Vida!

Virgil Winston: Marketing Guru

I recently returned from my nephew’s wedding in Costa Rica—which, if you’ve never been, is a place I highly recommend you visit at least once in your lifetime. It’s beautiful…with fantastic beaches, pristine jungles and lovely locals who live to enjoy life. That’s why “Pura Vida,” which literally translates to “Pure Life,” is such a popular saying over there. Prior to leaving on my first trip to Central America, I took a crash course in Spanish, but since most Ticos have a firm grasp of the English language, locating the nearest bathroom and ordering mango daiquiris was no problem. I won’t bore you with the details of what was a beautiful wedding and lively, rum fueled reception, but I feel compelled to share one thing that made this uncle’s marketing heart burst with pride.

Costa Rica is situated roughly ten degrees north of the equator and as such, sunscreen and a good hat are a tourist’s two best friends. I also found that an ice-cold birra went a long way in offering relief from the hot sun. My nephew, having marketing in his blood, had the foresight to equip his guests with welcome Beachcomber Totes filled with essentials like sun block, chapstick, Paradise Sport Bottles and Collapsible Can Coolers. Naturally, all the useful items were imprinted with a warm message, which served as a reminder of a wonderful moment. Unsurprisingly, the Winston’s were beaming with pride at application card citi creditcard credit debt reduction servicesbest card credit interest ratecard credit fraud reportcredit card reward program,card credit program reward,best card credit program rewardcredit card debt statistics,teen credit card debt statisticscard card credit master pal pay,card com credit pal pay,pay pal credit cardbad card credit credit discover,bad credit discover cardbusiness card credit processing start,credit card processing for businessmbna america credit cardannual card credit fee no secured,annual card credit credit fee no poor,no annual fee credit cardcard credit generator number stolen,card credit fake generator number,credit card number generator0 credit card offer,credit card offer with 0 on transferonline application visa credit cardapplication card credit status visavisa reward credit card,card credit point reward visacard consolidation credit loan studentbank card citi creditcredit card debt consolidation servicebad card credit credit ukcard credit offer visabusiness card credit find smallprovidian bank credit cardhow to reduce credit card bad debt,bad debt credit card,credit card bad debt statisticsbest rate and deal credit card,best credit card ratevisa credit card application formcard comparison consolidate credit debtfree credit report no credit card,free credit card,free cell phone no credit card neededcard credit history no visa,no credit history credit card,card credit credit history needed nobank card credit georgia monogramlow interest student credit card,low interest rate credit card balance transfer,low interest credit cardbill card consolidation credit debt life partner,credit card bill consolidationbest reward credit carduk credit card applyinstant online approval credit cardchase credit card home pagecard consolidate credit debtcard credit gateway paymentcash reward credit cardcard check credit credit nocredit card balance transfer rategreen dot prepaid credit carduk credit card,uk visa credit card,guaranteed credit card ukcanada card consolidation credit,canada card consolidation credit inuk lowest interest credit cardbest cash back credit cardcard credit high risk ukcredit card application onlineapplying card credit ukfirst premier credit card application our boy’s marketing acumen. Oh, and the wedding was nice too. All in all it was a great week—filled with fun in the sun, romance and fantastic promotional products.
Well, I’m off to practice for my role in my son’s annual St. Patrick’s Day Festival at Kingston Elementary. I am replacing Tommy O’Malley’s dad who is suffering from a broken leg and can’t manage it this year. In honor of my Irish readers, and even those of you who are only Irish for a day, I leave you with a traditional Irish blessing:

May your blessings outnumber
The shamrocks that grow,
And may trouble avoid you
Wherever you go.

Language Barrier

Virgil Winston: Marketing Guru

I had another disturbing dream late last night, which may have been caused in part by the sausage pie I consumed an hour before bedtime, but I digress. In the dream, I was transported to a foreign land where the inhabitants spoke a mysterious language I had not heard of, but sounded eerily like “Dark Side of the Moon” played backwards. In the dream, I was gripped by an unbearable thirst but could not find the words to ask for a simple glass of water. I gesticulated wildly, miming what I hoped was a motion that indicated a terrible dryness, but the natives of this unfamiliar land only laughed and pointed as I became more animated. This led to me losing even more precious hydration, as my fruitless machinations caused me to sweat profusely. Just as I was about to break through the language barrier, I woke up with my heart pounding, drenched in sweat and screaming in a foreign tongue.

I tried to explain the dream to my wife but she muttered something about an early morning Boot Camp class and fell back to sleep. I got up to find my daughter studying for her SAT exams in the den and told her about the dream. She’s been studying dream theory in school and helped me recall an unfortunate incident I had with a German tourist who I thought was asking for directions to the La Brea Tar pits, either that or he was asking me to recommend a good rib joint, but was actually in need of a doctor. It was touch and go for a while, but it all turned out okay in the end. I remember thinking he should have brushed up on his English before making a trip to the states. Looking back, I realize I may have been a bit smug, and intolerant. My daughter surmised that my dream was my subconscious mind’s way of shaming me into being more understanding and appreciating others for their differences. Not the sort of lesson one wants to learn from one’s daughter, but I am embarrassed to admit, she was right.

The lesson couldn’t have come at a better time since I just learned that my favorite nephew is getting married in Costa Rica and I don’t speak a lick of Spanish (yet). I can only hope the Ticos are more understanding than the backwards-Pink Floyd speaking natives in my nightmare. But just in case, I’m printing up t-shirts that read, “Me gustaria de agua.” on one side and “¿Dónde está el baño?” on the other. I’m not taking any chances. While you may not need to convey such a literal message, t-shirts are a classic way to promote your brand. I like the Authentic Pigment Men’s Direct-Dyed Heather Ringer Tee from Rush Imprint…a reliable favorite, this t-shirt is made of a 50% cotton and 50% polyester blend and the heathered finish gives this soft t-shirt a casual look. I haven’t met a person yet who doesn’t appreciate a free shirt, which makes them a timeless choice for any kind of promotion.

Well, I’m off to meet with my new Spanish tutor; I hope she likes t-shirts. Remember, “patience is a virtue but if you want a glass of water, you’d better learn the language.”

Spring Forward

Virgil Winston: Marketing Guru

I woke up late this morning and nearly missed a brunch date with my in-laws. Although my wife thinks otherwise, my tardiness was entirely unintentional and due solely to that yearly change we call Daylight Saving* Time. Personally, I hate it. It’s not that I have anything against daylight, or savings in general; I just don’t believe that setting our clocks forward one hour accomplishes anything but sleep deprivation and lateness…not the most desirable results.

I realize that I am probably in the minority, since most people seem to enjoy the additional hour of sun Daylight Saving Time affords them at the end of each day. After all, it’s much easier to enjoy summer barbecues when you can see what’s on the grill. I also enjoy a good barbecued chicken wing and an early evening walk about; I just find it more convenient to knock off work early than to change all of my clocks (I have forty-seven of them, including my 13 wrist watches) and get used to a new sleep schedule. Mrs.Winston thinks my hatred of clock changing and refusal to acknowledge the joys of springing forward in time contributes to my curmudgeonly reputation but I vigorously disagree.

I also realize that, like it or not, and thanks to Ben Franklin who was the first to conceive of the notion of saving daylight, the biannual time change is here to stay. So, as I often do, I have turned my annoyance into a marketing opportunity. This year, I sent out fifty Shiny Chrome Desk Clocks (imprinted with my name) to my most important clients. I included a pithy quote about the importance of time to ensure that my gift would be well received. Sometimes giving a gift that is “on the nose” is just the right way to get your message across. It may be too late for you to capitalize on Daylight Saving Time, but a beautiful desk clock with Roman Numerals and a chrome finish is never out of style and at 4”X6” this one is the perfect size to remind your clients that you know what time it is.

Well, I’m off to make dinner for the family—it’s my penance for this morning’s belated brunch. Until next time, remember the wise words of my old friend Harvey MacKay, “Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.”

Valentine’s Day

Virgil Winston: Marketing Guru

It’s a day that strikes fear in the heart of every married man in America. No, not the day your wife announces her mother is moving in (although that is equally horrible). I am talking about Valentine’s Day of course. There is tremendous pressure heaped upon one to buy the perfect card, expressing the precise sentiment your wife wants to hear, and to send the most resplendent bouquet of overpriced roses, make reservations at the right overcrowded restaurant and purchase the gift that will make all your wife’s friends and co-workers tell her how lucky she is to have such a thoughtful spouse. The pressure is lessoned slightly by the fact that it is nearly impossible to forget the red, white and pink “holiday” because almost as soon as Auld Lang Syne is sung, the stores are packed full of pink bears, cheery cherubs and enough chocolate to feed a medium sized country for a year. Unlike one’s wedding anniversary, which is known to only a select few and remembered mostly by one’s wife. But I digress…and that is not a road I want to travel down right now.
However, there is a bright side, because like most holidays, this one is a perfect opportunity to market your company and increase brand awareness by showing a little love to your best clients. This year, I am sending my favorite clients Love Custom Chocolates to let them know how much I care. I recommend you do the same. If you are not hot on chocolate, the Heart-Shaped Mint Tin is a perfect choice. This two-piece promotional item comes filled with your choice of peppermint, spearmint, wintergreen or cinnamon flavored mints. Both have room for your company logo and promotional message so you can drive your point home and get the most bang for your marketing buck. Either way, you will surely win their hearts.
I got in big trouble for my Valentine gift choice last year, so this year I am not taking any chances. I have a meeting with a personal shopper who has assured me she will help me choose a gift my wife (and her friends) will love. Until next time, I leave you with a quote by my thrice divorced Uncle Lou on my mother’s side, “If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”

Super Bowl

Virgil Winston: Marketing Guru

The “big game” is less than a week away and sports fans are all a twitter. No, I’m not talking about the annual Crossword Championship, which is, oddly enough, also going to be held in Arizona this year. I am referring to Super Bowl 42, which may be the year a football dynasty is born. Sports fanatics, writers, gamblers and even screenwriters are busy predicating the outcome. The movie “I am Legend” contains a scene in which a screenshot reads, “Giants lose to Patriots for the second time this season. 23 to 7.” Eerie.
I am usually a big fan of the underdog—I like watching David beat Goliath, but in this case David isn’t so little and Goliath is unbeatable…at least so far. Plus that Tom Brady is a modern day superhero. He’s young, handsome and dating a supermodel. Whether or not they admit it, every guy in America wants to be him, more than they want to beat him…or watch him get beat.
Despite Brady’s rumored ankle injury, Vegas is favoring the Pats by 13-14 points, but who can forget that the Giants were beating the Patriots for much of the last regular season game. They didn’t give them a pass then and I don’t assume they will go gentle into that good night this coming Sunday. The bottom line is, regardless of the odds, predictions and guesses; nobody really knows what will happen on Sunday. Or do they?
The Magic Answer Ball just might be able to take the guesswork out of who will win. Most companies are filled with employees and clients who look forward to spending Sunday glued to the TV, trading predictions and cheering their team. Why not take advantage of a great marketing opportunity and show potential customers you’ve got game? Play both sides of the fence by sending the Magic Answer Ball imprinted with your logo and the question, “Who Will Win?” The real winner will be your brand, which, in the marketing game, is all that matters. Then you can sit back, relax, and enjoy the game with some nachos and hot wings—my favorite part of any televised sporting event.
Well, I’m off to practice pretending to look surprise when “my” team wins. I already own the Magic Answer Ball…in three colors. Remember the words of my great aunt Fanny who was the coach of my Dad’s T-Ball team, “It doesn’t matter if you win or lose, it’s how you play the game…but you may as well play to win.”

The Swalfin

Virgil Winston: Marketing Guru

I recently took the family to Orlando to experience the wonders of Disney World, Epcot Center, Universal Studios, Sea World and a really good outlet mall. We crammed a year’s worth of amusements into five muggy days and everyone had a great time…except my teen-aged daughter who spent the majority of the trip texting her boyfriend and complaining that humidity was making her hair frizz.

My own enjoyment was nearly thwarted by the confusing accommodations. We decided to stay at a Disney property (when in Rome) with two hotels called The Swan and The Dolphin. As we pulled up, I was struck by the vision of a giant concrete swan perched atop a peach colored building—a little on the nose perhaps, but Disney is nothing if not literal…or so I thought. What I saw next both perplexed and infuriated me. As we continued down the drive, approaching The Dolphin Hotel, I was taken aback to see balanced atop a similarly hued building, what appeared to be a giant…fish! What?! This couldn’t be right. Perhaps there was a third hotel on property called “The Bass” or “The Carp.” My taxi driver assured me that this was indeed the famous Dolphin Hotel and that the creature sitting on top of the structure was in fact, a dolphin. Well, I’m no marine expert, but what I was looking at was quite clearly a fish.

Now I realize that old Walt liked to play with the idea of animals who could talk, wear clothes and otherwise act without regard to the limitations of their species, but at least Mickey looks like a mouse, Donald is quite clearly a duck and Goofy is…well, never mind. The point is, a dolphin is a mammal that breathes air and is known for its intelligence, while a fish is sushi. How am I supposed to explain that to my six year old when right there on top of our hotel called, “The Dolphin,” is a fish…with scales and gills? Disney cost me about thirty-seven hours of answering the question, “why?”

I asked several cast members, otherwise known as hotel employees, about the fish/dolphin controversy and was greeted with the cheerful response that the “fish” was in fact the artist’s rendering of a dolphin. Well, I don’t know who the artist was but he should have his chisel revoked because the animal is a carp, or maybe a bass but it is not a dolphin*.

Not one to take such things lying down, I send 150 Devon & Jones Short Sleeve Tees imprinted with a picture of Flipper and the message, “THIS is a dolphin” to the entire cast of The Dolphin Hotel. It made me feel even better than the $200 I spent on a massage.

Well, I’m off to prepare for my next meeting—I’ve been asked to host the annual armadillo race in Texas and I’ve got to work on my speech. Until next time, remember, “a horse is a horse of course of course…and a fish is never a dolphin.”

*An equally outraged, yet charming, friend informed me later that the animal atop the hotel is a dolphin fish, which, we agreed, would make perfect sense if the hotel were called, “The Dolphin Fish, which it is not.”


Virgil Winston: Marketing Guru

Like many work-at-home types, I often find it stimulating to leave the solitary surroundings of my home office. Sometimes that means taking a brisk walk or visiting my local library, but more often than not, I find myself joining legions of laptop lovers and setting up shop at one of ten zillion Starbucks in my neighborhood.

And yes, I am a loyal Starbucks customer. I much prefer the brisk efficiency with which the green apron clad staff carry out their duties to the more laid back (slow) service of the Coffee Bean set. I have tried them all—Seattle’s Best, Peet’s and Dietrich’s, but I always return to my beloved Starbucks. I know there are lots of folks out there who prefer the unique flavor of a Mom & Pop coffeehouse and who hate the idea of corporate coffeehouses taking over whole neighborhoods. They rail against uniformity and the specificity with which the baristas take java orders. (Don’t try ordering a large coffee…when what you really want is a “Venti” drip.)

Not me. As a frequent traveler, I quite enjoy the fact that no matter where you go, every Starbucks is exactly the same. I can go to a store in Dallas and expect the same drinks and service that I get in Arizona or Ojai. I find it comforting that a Grande Soy Vanilla Latte tastes exactly the same in New York’s East Village as it does in St. Paul, Minnesota. In a complicated world, I revel in the simplicity of a uniform cup of coffee, a maple oat scone and the ability to sit back and relax in the warm, safe embrace of homogeneity.

Proof, I believe, that you don’t always have to break the mold to build a successful brand. We can all take a page out of the book of Starbucks when it comes to marketing our businesses and creating effective promotional materials. If what you are offering is a solid product or service with a proven track record, you don’t need to be different or groundbreaking to be successful. With that in mind, the Deco Band Insulated Bottle is a practical, pleasing promotional gift that is never out of style. Everyone loves hot coffee, tea or hot chocolate on the go and this one has a contemporary hourglass design, stainless steel construction and features an easy-open pour spout, combination lid/drinking mug and a skid-proof bottom. Naturally, you’ll want to include your logo so your clients, prospects and employees remember that your brand is classic and around for the long haul.

Well, I’m off to enjoy a Grande Soy Double Shot Latte with a nice, delicious biscotti from my favorite coffee place. In the meantime, enjoy The Way I See It #248 by the founder of Wikipedia, Jimmy Wales.

“Imagine a world in which every single person on the planet
is given free access to the sum of all human knowledge. Wikis
give us a place where anyone who is kind, thoughtful and intelligent
can come and join us in building a better and more rational world.”

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Virgil Winston: Marketing Guru

I was watching “20/20” the other night and was surprised to learn that I, being a relatively happy person, am not living in the happiest country on earth. The United States, the land of opportunity, ranks only 23rd on the scale of happiness. I also learned that, contrary to popular belief, tax dollars can sometimes buy happiness. Before you throw a stapler at your computer screen, consider this: Denmark, despite having one of the highest tax rates of any country (upwards of 60%), is the happiest country on earth, according to social scientists schooled in the science (and art) of happiness. Denmark is a surprisingly ebullient country despite the fact that the weather can accurately be describes as cold, dreary and the national dish is herring. You’d think Danes would be rather grumpy, but most give themselves at least an “eight” out of ten on the happiness scale. They feel “taken care of” by their government and receive many benefits from their tax dollars. Because citizens are so taken care of, they are able to choose careers they enjoy, rather than the job that makes the most money. For example, the prince in Denmark works as a carpenter’s assistant and loves every minute of it. Garbage men are as happy, and well regarded, as bankers or doctors and Danish society is generally non-materialistic.

The Danes seem to have caught on to the fact that happiness is not determined by circumstance, like how much money you make or what your childhood was like, but comes from within. Research proves that we have the power to make ourselves happy. Happiness is found in gratitude, counting our blessings and enjoying meaningful relationships. Relationships don’t necessarily mean romantic or love relationships—meaningful relationships can be found everywhere. Friends and neighbors as well as colleagues, employees, clients and business associates can all provide the opportunity to form important bonds.

So why not give a promotional gift that strengthens those bonds, promotes good will and simply puts a smile on the face of the recipient? The iconic image of the yellow smiley face represents the joyful expression of pure happiness and the sight of it never fails to bring a nostalgic smile to the most serious face. The Friendly Face Bounce Back Sr is a fun and upbeat item to promote any type of business. The bright smiley face will let your clients know that you take customer service seriously. It will also remind your employees that your company is a fun place to work. Add your logo and the message is complete.

I’m off to prepare for my keynote speech at the National Cynics convention—don’t you just love irony? In the meantime, “Look around, happiness is trying to catch you.”

Word Play

Virgil Winston: Marketing Guru

Last night I dreamt that I was being chased by giant Scrabble plaques that had inexplicably come to life in order to taunt me. “Z” and “Q” were rather nasty characters but at least they confined their antics to chasing and yelling; “J” was throwing paintballs. I was running at top speed, racing the ticking clock but it was no use. “Q” and “Z” caught up and circled me. They were shouting and making lewd gestures, so I covered my ears and sank to my knees, squeezing my eyes shut to avoid their steely ten point glare when I felt myself being shaken rather violently—my worst fears were realized; the letters were going to kill me.

I woke up in a cold sweat to find my wife standing over me. Apparently she was awakened by my shouting, “ziti,” “quiz,” “qat” and “zebra” in my sleep. The time has come for me to face the cold hard truth…my Scrabble addiction is officially out of control. My family refuses to play with me, claiming it’s no fun playing with Mr. Wordsmith. I pretend to be offended by the nickname, but the truth is, I’m flattered. Lately I have turned to the Internet to quench my thirst for seven letter words. I found a fantastic website called Scrabulous.com filled with like-minded word aficionados and it has become my second home. Yesterday I found myself playing for hours against a terrifying competitor who calls himself Q-meister. I later found out my nemesis was actually a twelve-year spelling bee champ from Nantucket. Trust me, losing nine straight games to a sixth grader is a humbling experience I don’t care to repeat anytime soon.

After having the same nightmare five nights in a row, I promised my wife I’d quit since she claims that my dreams are interfering with her beauty sleep. As much as I value her good looks, I’m not sure that I can keep that particular promise—the love of words is in my veins. My therapist suggested I use substitution since quitting cold turkey could cause painful withdrawals. He recommended Sudoku, which is kind of like crossword puzzle with numbers. I’m not at all convinced it will work but I do think the popular game would make an excellent giveaway at a company picnic, annual dinner, or tradeshow. It features five levels of difficulty with 100 different games on each level. Don’t forget to put your name on it.

I’m off to practice my opening speech for the Nantucket Annual Spelling Bee. Q-meister and I decided to place a wager on our last game—and I don’t have to tell you who won. Until next time, remember, “Numbers may be necessary in life but words are the lifeblood of language.”