Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru My great, great grandfather Clayton Winston was very much like William Shakespeare. Not that he could write, but that he died on the same day he was born. He lived a long and productive life, so I suppose it was poetic that he met his maker during his own birthday party, during […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru Every St. Patrick’s Day, my friend Eduardo Jose-Luis Dominguez puts on his lime green suit and celebrates the heritage he knows nothing about. And every year, he inevitably gets asked the same question: where did you get that suit? I suppose it’s human nature. If we like something someone else has, we […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru Let me tell you something about my side of the family…we’re not especially handsome people. And you wouldn’t be out of line if you said we were downright homely. I mean we certainly have our moments, given the right lighting and the proper stretch pants, but let’s face it, we’re ordinary at […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru My wife is a sticky note addict. They are all over the house. On the toilet seat—close it. In the shower—squeegee it. On the TV—turn it off. On the kitchen trash—take it out. On the dishes—wash them. On the dog—feed it. I am scared to think how much she has spent on […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru When it comes to the Rubik’s Cube…there is only 1 correct answer and 43 quintillion wrong ones. Quintillion…as in 43,252,003,274,489,856,000. And I thought Scrabble was humbling. Of course, my Uncle Marty says he’s successfully solved the algorithm four times, but then he was always alone, so we believe him about as much […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru In 1957, my Uncle Marty invented the beer cap suction cup so his friend Wayne could enjoy his daily twelve-pack, while he recuperated from the two broken arms he incurred while falling off the high beam. Of course, as family history would tell it, Uncle Marty’s invention was later bootlegged by his […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru We all know that the number one fear in America is not death, heights, going to the dentist or even spending an hour with Joan Rivers. It’s speaking in public. I’ve tried myself to overcome the fear—breathing exercises, yoga, hypnotherapy and even a brief foray into Colonics, which is just a quaint […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru Let me just come right out and say it. Clark Gable had breath that could kill a yak. I’m talking breath that was so horrible Vivien Leigh could barely kiss him in Gone With the Wind. Truth be told, Scarlett was the one who didn’t give a damn—she just wanted to get […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru My brother Jack was born on the same day that Fidel Castro became Prime Minister of Cuba, who also shares the same birthday as John McEnroe, who once screamed obscenities at an impressionable young ball boy for not bringing him his towel fast enough…an act that soured that boy on the world […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru Esquire Magazine estimated that 1 in 8 Americans was tattooed, 14% of which were Republicans. Now, I love a good tattoo…just not on me. I’m afraid of needles and, probably more accurately, the way my sagging flesh might someday distort the artwork. Truth is, the tattoo is the ultimate advertising, a walking […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru Besides humans, the only animal that can stand on its head is the elephant. And what does this have to do with your next marketing promotion? Absolutely nothing, except that it makes me wonder just how many animals did they have to go through to find one who could do the trick? […]
Virgil Winston:Marketing Guru My grandfather has always been a history buff, so it’s not surprising he’s always thanking the Romans, not for introducing democratic principles, but for inventing the whole idea of kissing on the lips. You see, in ancient times, a husband returning from work would kiss his wife to see if she’d been […]
