Walking through the Sahara desert can be a wearisome task. Sure, you’ve got the blistering sun, dehydration, lack of food and dangerous wildlife to deal with, but what really chaps my hide – more specifically my lips – is the fact that I left my lip balm in my other turban. Forget impending death foreshadowed by the scattered, bleached bones, the discomfort of peeling, dry lips is what’s driving me mad! The only thing that keeps me trudging on is the thought of walking through my front door and giving my wife a big ol’ wet smooch. She’s not going to want to pucker up for these cracked, disgusting lips, though, and I don’t blame her! It would be like having a make out sesh with a brillo pad; dry, scratchy and completely unappealing. So what’s a fellow to do?
Well, I tell you what I should’ve done, though it won’t do me any good right now. I should’ve ordered such a huge quantity of lip balm that I could have stuffed sticks of it in every turban and pocket that I own! That way, it would have been nigh impossible to leave home without my trusty lip balm. Could-haves and should-haves won’t help me now, so all I can do is hope I make it home, because the first thing I’m gonna do is log onto rushIMPRINT’s website and order myself a heaping helping of those marvelous sticks of waxy salve. Scratch that; first thing will be to take a drink, then smooch my wife, and then order my bulk supply of lip balm-gotta keep those priorities in order. Heck, at rushIMPRINT, I could even imprint these custom lip balm sticks with a message to help me remember… maybe a picture of an elephant on them or something. Those things never forget, right? Perhaps I could just have them imprinted with the message : “Dry Lips Sink Ships!”
Gosh, the more I focus on it, the more uncomfortable it gets. I just gotta think about something else – something completely unrelated to my lips or their lack of moisture. What about boots? Yea that might work, actually. Instead of focusing on the negative, I can be thankful for the things that I did right, like ordering this pair of Danner USMC RATs. They’ve got the perfect traction for this loose desert terrain and offer the moisture-wicking technology that any sweaty foot needs in these sweltering conditions. Now if only they could invent some type of reverse-moisture wicking fabric that I could put on my lips! Ugh I’m thinking about them again! Ok I need to stop focusing on them. Come to think of it, what on Earth ever possessed me to make this long trek across such an inhospitable wasteland? I remember watching some survivor special on TV and the next thing I knew, I’m in the desert doing my best Lawrence of Arabia impression. Gee whiz, I gotta turn town my emulation meter a few notches.
In any event, this will at least serve as a cautionary tale from which you may glean two facts. Number one: Never leave home without a few sticks of Lip Balm. Seriously. Head over to rushIMPRINT right now and put a few boatloads in your cart. Personalize ‘em with your logo or whatever, I don’t care. Just get ‘em. Secondly: Give your significant other a big ol’ smooch, because you never know when your foolish spontaneity could put you in dire straits! Wait a minute…I think I hear a helicopter over the horizon. Is this a chapped lip induced hallucination? No! Oh sweet salvation. Is that my dear wife leaning out the side!? Oh it is! She’s tossing down handfuls of personalized lip balm sticks, too, each of them displaying “I Love Ya!” on the side. I’ve never been happier to have said “I do”!